


The true meaning and origin of Assassin

by Stryfe



Series: Love for Stryfe [7]
Category: Cable and Deadpool, Deadpool - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, M/M, Stryfe needs more love, funny shit right here, i love so many ships with him, not his fault he was raised by pocky, so here is happy ending, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-25
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-09-07 14:00:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8803606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stryfe/pseuds/Stryfe
Summary: A deeper look at the origins of the word Assassin, by Wade Wilson.





	

**Author's Note:**

> All characters belong to their respective owners (Marvel, etc.). My stories may not be posted elsewhere or otherwise used or changed without my sole permission.

"Oh my god... I know what an assassin is now!" Wade shrieked suddenly, fists held close to his chest.

The outburst silenced everyone else in the room, while Nathan and Stryfe looked towards him patiently as he continued. 

"Stryfe. STRYFE." Wade pestered, wrapping his legs around Stryfe's waist to present his new found revelation to the only one in the room who would go along with all of Wade's random antics.

"STRYYYYYYFFFEEE-YYYYYYY!" Wade continued, placing his hands gently on Stryfe's face for emphasis. 

Placing his arms around Wade to support him, Stryfe gave in to the fond urge of encouraging Wade's silly behavior. "Wade, I prefer Stry over Stryfe-y, at the least. Now, what do you mean?" 

"Assassin. I  _know_ the true meaning of the word!"

Pinching his nose carefully, Steve took a deep breath before continuing to speak. "Wade, son, you work as an assassin. Assassins kill people for a living. This really isn't anything new or relevant to the meeting."

"I warned you this shit would happen if we invited him here with his two boyfriends Steve." Tony piped up, pouring himself another drink. 

"I have to side with Tony on this one Cap. It was pretty obvious." Bruce seconded. 

Stryfe's deep chuckle was the only response to the irritation the other Avenger's were suffering from. Even if Wade's incorrigible insanity was a frequent interruption during meetings, it relieved a lot of the boredom he felt. But hey, on the bright side, its not like Stryfe ever had to do any paperwork like the rest of these losers. 

"Wade... What's the TRUE meaning of assassin?" Stryfe practically purred, making his eyes go comically wide. 

Interrupting as fast as he could, Nate tossed a glare at Stryfe. "Stryfe, don't encourage him, this is an important meeting. Wade, I'm sure this can wait until later when you, me and Stryfe go back to Providence." 

The offended shriek Wade offered in response did nothing to appease the headache Nathan looked like he now had. Ha, Stryfe should remember to reward Wade later. God, it was fun to see Nathan get irritated.

"No, it can't! Genius cannot be stopped Nate-bait!"

"Genius is one side of the coin you're not on Wilson." Peter muttered, taking a seat at the table. 

"Just let him get it over with." Steve offered, resigned to what was coming. 

"Finally! STEVE SEES MY MAGICAL GENIUS. Anyway, where was I?... Oh! Stryfe! Assassin! Did you realize the word assassin has ass in it twice?"

The air in the room seemed to change at the end of that sentence. Not that Stryfe cared, but clearly, some of the expressions had changed to downright murder in the first degree. Maybe if he egged Wade on a little more, Stryfe could get out of this meeting to go play Mass Effect again. Romancing Garrus was the only priority Stryfe had now when Wade was about to be occupied by a to-be-announced mission. Well, and his lab work, but Garrus was calling out to Stryfe so much stronger than his lab right now. Damn sexy Turian with a voice that made Stryfe's dick harder than adamantium. Damn his sexy Turian sniper gun and amazing shooting skills. Maybe Stryfe could get Wade to role play a Mass Effect fantasy with him later. 

"Wade, we'll have sex with you later, now please, _**focus.**_ "Cable pleaded softly, stroking Wade's back. 

"Nate-bait, candy of my eye, that isn't the point! I know how the word came to be!" Wade continued adamantly. "Clearly, the origin of Ass-ass-in can be only one of two things."

"It's pronounced ugh-sass-in." Stryfe corrected.

"Ass-ass-in, Option one," Wade smugly kept on, " is that the first ever murder was by two guys. Here's the scenario: Two decent looking guys are in what would probably be some old looking and not-as-amazing-as-today's-bars-bar. Guy number one says, "Hey guy number two, how are you doing tonight? Wanna come back to my hut and get on with sexy times?" Guy number one continues on, being a total dick in his flirting and everything. So guy number two does a sexy once over of guy number one. He finishes his drink and tells guy number one, "Fine, but I don't bottom." Now, Stryfe, Nate-bait, guy number one, being all excited and happy that he's going to get laid, nods excitedly. Kinda like Steve, when Tony starts talking all science-y and Steve just starts getting this look on his face like he wants to fuck Tony's brains out."  

"Tony and I are friends Wade!" Steve spluttered, a deep blush invading his face. 

"Only if you you two boys don't count what I've seen in Steve's journal about Tony." Natasha added, pretending to examine gloved nails. 

"Or if you count how many times Tony will mention something and ask "Do you think Steve would like this?"" Bruce imitated, shaking his head at the memories. 

"I have it harder than all of you. I can hear their thoughts. The amount of times they've fantasized about fucking each other while doing nothing about it is ridiculous." Stryfe snorted. God, it was pathetic to listen to Steve and Tony's thoughts. Also, was it weird how strangely vanilla the sex was that Steve and Tony constantly imagined having with each other? Even Nathan was more creative about his sexual fantasies involving him, Stryfe and Wade or any mixture of the three of them. Hell, even virgins in the 41st century were more creative with their fantasies.

Looking up at long last from the bottle of alcohol that Tony had been nursing, came a surprised "Wait, Steve likes me too?!"

"I, uh... Tony?" Steve gasped, glancing shyly off to the side.

"Stop interrupting, dammit!" Wade pouted, giving a brief glare at the table with all the Avengers at it. "Why don't you two go on your damn honeymoon later!"

"You interrupted the meeting first Wade." Nate gently pointed out. 

"Not the point Nate-bait. Now, Stryfe, back to my scenario." Stryfe could feel his chest squeeze tight with warmth as he listened to Wade chatter on. It was like a reminder of how they'd first met, whenever Stryfe would interrupt Wade's amusing stories, Wade would just pout so much like he's doing now.

"So, guy number one and two get back to guy number one's house. They get into the bedroom, foreplay and all that fancy shit, and guy number two is fucking guy number one's brains out. Like, hardcore, flexible stuff from position 16 to position 34, followed by position 52 and down the line. Anyway, guy number two has guy number one bent over, ass in the air, and is screwing his brains out right? So, guy number two takes the knife and  _schnick!_ , kills guy number one. Which leads to the end of theory number one. The killer is balls deep,  **in** -side the  **ass** of an  **ass** -hole, which led to the word assassin!" Wade finished, making a grand flourish with his arms.

"And what would theory number two be then Wade?" Stryfe coughed delicately, trying to resist laughing while Nathan tried to cover his violently twitching mouth with his hand.

"Stryfe," Wade began, tone as serious as could be, "the only other option... is that an **ass** was shrunk down to a super miniature size. That tiny killer then slipped  **in** someone's  **ass** and began murdering them. You know, like, internal hemorrhaging kind of slow killing."

Despite the "I-don't-know-what-to-do-with-this-information" looks in the room, multiple people shaking their head, Stryfe couldn't hold in the laughter anymore. He could hear himself snorting and wheezing for air, amidst the pain inducing laughter while Wade affectionately rubbed his back and hugged him. 

"It's ok Stryfe. I know this is a lot take in all at once. My job title really isn't as pretty as it sounds, which makes it even tougher." Wade said, nodding his head sagely. 

Tapping his fingers on the table while staring deep into his drink, Tony finally looked up at Steve. 

"Steve."

"Yes, Tony?" Steve practically squeaked out, his embarrassment leaking out through his voice.

"Wanna go on a date?"

"... Yes Tony."


End file.
